Something to think about
June 10, 2011I read a lot of forums, a lllllot of forums, rarely posting because of my shyness/social phobias.
Just now on my favorite forum, there was a thread discussing “red flags”. One poster was getting “bad vibes” off a person at work, and she wanted to know how to politely avoid the dude. He hadn’t done anything specifically bad, she just had a horrible feeling around him.
Many responders told her to trust those instincts, avoid being alone with him, etc. That her subconscious is probably picking up some nonverbal things that her conscious mind can’t quite articulate yet, even to herself.
One specific poster said it might not even be that the guy is “bad”, but that the interaction was off. She gave an example: a coworker constantly gave off weird vibes and alienated nearly everyone in the office. He never did anything wrong, they just didn’t like him. Turns out, he was very anxious in social situations, because people treated him weird. So he went overboard in trying to be fun, jovial, engaging, trying to compensate for his anxiety, trying to make people like him.
But instead, everyone “saw” his performance as fake and insincere, which made everyone dislike him even more. The more he tried, the more he pushed people away.
I almost burst into tears reading that, because I can identify with that guy so much. Social interaction is so hard for me, hard to read people correctly, hard to respond correctly. I can sense their discomfort, but no matter what I do, I also end up alienating people. When all I want to do is connect in some small way.
Funny how some small post on an Internet forums can resonate …
